Which Celebrity Would You Rather Reproduce With?

Lindsay Lohan is back to looking all sorts of crazy (like she ever really stopped). The 43 23 year old has been running around town looking like a feral cat with crazy hair, fake lips, and an awful spray tan.

This isn't really a good match-up since either way you'll end up with Lohan dna and your baby will come out smoking a cigarette and looking like a 40 year-old diner waitress who drives a pick up truck and has coffee stains all over apron.

But if you had to, do you choose Lindsay or Ali?  VOTE:

Michael Jackson sadly and shockingly passed away today. He was a groundbreaking performer who truly changed the world of entertainment. Despite any past jokes about Michael, he is a legend and will forever continue to be the King of Pop.

In tribute to Michael, here is my favorite MJ song, Billie Jean:

For a new twist, I'd like to pose the question of which celebrity couple you'd rather repopulate the Earth with if you and these couples were the last people left on Earth? Although if the 5 of you are the only people left on Earth, for the sake of humanity it might be best to cease all reproduction. But if you had to, for the "good" of mankind, would you rather reproduce with Heidi and Spencer Pratt or Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt?

Speidi:
Heidi Montag Pratt and Spencer Pratt, better known as Speidi, are a ridiculous quasi celebrity couple featured on the MTV show The Hills. Spencer is somewhat known for controlling Heidi and for spreading vicious rumors about her friends to end their friendships, and is mainly known for having hideous facial flesh toned facial hair and for acting like an all-around douche.

Recently Spencer and Heidi were on the reality show "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" or as I like to call it "I Think I'm a Celebrity, Get Me on TV." Although they were supposed to be on the show to compete to win money for charity, they spent a few days threatening to leave, crying because someone ripped the label off her shampoo bottle, leaving, coming back, faking illnesses, saying they were too rich and famous to be on the show, and finally leaving.






Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt:
Paris Hilton, the "socialite" is famous for having a sex tape, taking Valtrex, being slutty (hence the sex tape and valtrex), and getting a dui and going to jail. I always thought that made you a loser, but I guess it can also make you famous. Doug Reinhardt is a nobody who was on one episode of The Hills for 30 seconds, but I guess that makes him appealing enough for Paris. Anyway, these two up-standing citizens have been slutting all around town and flaunting themselves with pubic displays of affection. Displays that are so vile, that Elton John's boyfriend had to kick these two off his yacht in Cannes:




So VOTE in this first celebrity couple match-up:

If I was a middle aged woman, I would probably tear off my mom jeans faster than you can say "American Idol" to reproduce with either one of these lovely men. However, to me they just look like the same blonde gay/possibly gay man 35 years apart.

So which of these soft-rock adult contemporary crooners would you rather reproduce with? And more importantly, are you a Fanilow or Claymate?

Barry Manilow:


Clay Aiken:


VOTE:

Which wacky, crazy tv host would you rather repopulate the earth with?

Paula Abdul
46 year old Paula Abdul is currently best known as the crazy pill-popping wackadoo host on American Idol. Other than acting crazy, Paula is best known for hit songs like "Straight Up"


Kathie Lee Gifford
55 year old Kathie Lee Gifford is best known as the former crazy co-host of Live With Regis and Kathie Lee and is now known as the crazy co-host on the Today show.


So tell me, is it going to be you and Paula or Kathie Lee forever? VOTE:

Speaking of big lips, which aging rock star would you rather mate with?

Steven Tyler
63 year old big lipped Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler:


Mick Jagger
Or would you rather have kids with 65 year old Rolling Stones singer Mick Jagger:


VOTE:

When I was a kid, I thought that the giant wax candy lips I got at Halloween were awesome. But as an adult, it would look pretty ridiculous if I still wore them. That why I don't get why Lisa Rinna and Nikki Cox always wear them...oh wait...those are their real lips...they actually paid someone to make them look like that by injecting chemicals???

So which of these ridiculously giant lipped ladies would you rather mate with?

Lisa Rinna
Lisa recently admitted on the Today show that she had silicone injected into her upper lip 23 years ago....shocker, I know. Back in the day, when Lisa was Billie Reed a trouble singer in love with Bo Brad, I thought she looked good. But many years later, those silicone lips have taken a turn for the worse:


Nikki Cox
I don't know when Nikki Cox started looking like a weirdo, but it was sometime between Unhappily Ever After and marrying Jay Mohr Cox. Whenever it happened, she looks terrible with those lips:


So which pouty celeb would you rather? VOTE:

Which Prince would you rather mate with?

Prince, The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, O(+>
Prince is a wacky musician known for outrageous outfits, controversial songs, and changing his name to an unpronounceable symbol. It's important to note that this would probably stick you with a lot of diaper duties, since it's hard to call for a guy whose name can't be pronounced.


Prince Charles
Unlike the other Prince, Prince Charles is an actual prince. Although he doesn't seem like he'd be as much fun as the other Prince, Prince Charles of Wales (Charles Philip Arthur George), would be kinda cool to have kids with since they would become princes. But the whole cheating on Princess Diana thing makes him less desirable. Plus having the Queen Mum be your mother in law, or at least your baby-daddy's royal mom, doesn't seem like much fun. She doesn't strike me as a hands on Grandma who'd help with dirty diapers or feedings. And you'd also probably have to clean the house and hide the pringles before she came over since she's used to all that royal stuff. But on the other hand, that would be well worth it, if your kids get a stake in that inheritance.

There's nothing wrong with aging, I even happen to be doing it right now. But there's a difference between regular aging, and aging while kicking and screaming and trying to angrily beat off time demons who are trying to kidnap you to their ancient lair filled with metamucil and episodes of Murder She Wrote.

Such is the case of Sharon Stone and Melanie Griffith. At one time, they were good looking women who were flashing their hoo-ha's and marrying good looking Spaniards. But not so much anymore.

Sharon Stone, age 51, was once the star of Basic Instinct but now seems to lack instincts of when to stop having plastic surgery. Come'on Sharon, we can all see you've had plastic surgery and it's not holding up so well for you.


Melanie Griffith, also 51, is even a bigger culprit of this. I don't know about you, but I'd rather look old and human than like I'm made out of playdough.


So, who'd you rather make plastic surgery babies with, Sharon or Melanie? VOTE:

Which worn out celebrity with a drinking problem would you rather do?

David Hasselhoff
Once the male star on Baywatch and a uber-celebrity in Europe, the Hoff is now looking a little Hasseled these days. It doesn't help that his own daughter, in an effort to stop his drinking, released video of a very drunk David Hasselhoff eating hamburgers with no shirt on. Mitch Buchannon has seen better days.


Mel Gibson
Once a big star in blockbuster movies, Mel Gibson has also seen better days. Even worse than the movie"Signs", Mel's career really rock-bottomed when he was arrested while drunk driving and went on a drunk and raged anti-Semitic tirade and called the arresting officer "sugar tits."
Mugshot:

Which baby making machine would you rather have more children with? Either way, if you're forced to reproduce with sometime to save the world, either one of these mega mamas is probably a good bet. With 14 or 18 children, they probably know a thing or two about raising babies.

Nadya Suleman
The octomom who's in the news for having EIGHT children at once! That's in addition to the SIX children she already has! Oh and she had them all through in vitro so the kids don't have a dad in their lives. And Nadya doesn't have job, lives with her parents, and receives food stamps and disability checks from the government.


Michelle Duggar
The Duggar family currently has 18 children! I say "currently" because they have no plans to stop having more babies. Of the 18 kids, only 2 sets were twins, which means Mama Duggar has been pregnant 60% of the time over the last 20 years. The Duggars are super religious and conservative and live in Arkansas where dad, Jim-Bob, serves on the Arkansas house of representatives. Their children are home schooled, all of their names start with the letter J, and they have their own reality show.

This is definitely a match up I wouldn't actually want to find myself choosing between.

Chris Brown. Until a few weeks ago, Chris Brown probably seemed liked a great catch, young, talented, great singer, great dancer, seems like a nice guy. Like a young Michael Jackson (before he went nuts). Well it didn't take long until Chris went nuts himself, attacking and badly beating up singer girlfriend Rihanna. Definitely no longer reproduction worthy.




If assault and battery aren't your thing, and getting peed on is more your style the other choice is R Kelly. In addition to his annoying songs and awful music videos, which should be a crime on their own, R Kelly has been sued on multiple occasions and arrested for having sex with minors. Including his most famous trial for child porn charges after a tape surfaced involving him, a minor, and pee. Eew.